i havn't posted in a long time. it doesn't feel like it tho. whatever.

i went completely psycho last night. i was really really hyper. and fake happy. but then i took a shower and i got really sad. then i watched a movie. i cried. but only when she was buying drugs and the guy took them from her and threw them down and started yelling at her. don't know why. the whole angel dying thing didn't affect me too much. i mean, i felt sorry, but it wasn't as bad as some other parts for me. i don't know..i can't watch movies where people die cuz i know they arn't really dead. they're off stage watching the thing...

i keep feeling like i'm cheating on dion. but i'm not. and i keep feeling like he's cheating on me. and i don't think he would. a part of me knows that he loves me compeltely, but the other part tells me that he doesn't. i don't know what to think.
i can't be friends with guys anymore. they always think i like them if i just talk to them. only about 3 guys respect me and dont' do anything to me. all the other ones always try something. i hate it. and it makes me feel bad. like its my fault. its all happening again.


mer

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i'll stop before i get carpol tunnel