i don't care what u think of me anymore

i just love parties. i love them as much as i like chat rooms and amusement parks.

gah. i felt like crying as soon as i got in the car. but i just couldn't so i just had ellie turn up the music. it helped a tad. parties stress me out cuz everyone's all hyper, and bitchy, and nobody is really happy unless they're dense. i guess i'm also really tired. that couldn't have helped. i kinda yelled at the party. i just lost it. i needed everyone to shut up and just stop.

and matt keeps on smiling

the only time he's happy is when i'm not. i don't get it.


i feel like i'm not really friends with sarah or ellie or izzy anymore. all the time ellie callls me a bitch. just for being demanding and impatient. and i can't help it. i try not to be. but i guess i just am a bitch. and then sarah is so happy with sam. and he is so infuriating. not sure why. i'm just a jealous friend. which is so stupid. i shouldn't be, which makes me madder. then izzy won't tell me anything anymore. i feel like she's just kinda disappearing from my life. and i'm making new fri ends that i have to be a whole new person with. i can't just be myself. i'm afraid i'll have no friends. but i guess if i want to make friends i like, i should just be myself.

tomorrow is orientation. as ellie said, summer is over. school is starting in a week.

i want school to start. i want to do well in school. this is my new chance. my chance to be different and new. to just be who i want to be. to start over. make new friends, that whole thing. too bad people are going there i alraedy know.

one year six months...what happened. half a year into 7th grade. i was trying to fit in. i was friends with hilary. but then she ditched me.

i had no friends


xoxo

liz